Ashes 2013: The awards
The ticker tape is cleared away. The Oval outfield has been watered. The hangovers have subsided and now I look back on the summer just gone with a mixture of emotions and hand out some awards – I am sure the winners will feel suitably honoured.
Cricket is Porn Award:
Ian Bell has the ability with both a cover drive or a dab to third man to make you let out a sexy time moan.
Medical science defiance award:
Ryan Harris. His body doesn’t work. He’s more fragile than the Ashes urn itself but somehow he managed to stay intact to be arguably the series best bowler
Scratched CD award
Shane Warne – GOT TO BE PREPARED TO LOSE TO WIN. If you manage to rile both Atherton and Gower you know you’ve gone beyond annoying.
Commitment to copy award
You’ve got to admire Aussie Journalist Malcolm Conn, he would file a story on how many times a second the English cricketers blink. Nothing but nothing gets left unfiled.
The making Lizzy cry award
This could have gone to England for testing my love of cricket but actually it will go to Chris Rogers for being practically the same age as me, for being half blind (like me) and for giving us one of the most romantic stories of success of the summer. I cried in his post-match press conference much to the amusement of some of my colleagues
The unsung hero
Matt Cenin – the Aussie press officer. He’s got a few livewires to try and handle and what he doesn’t do it try and overhandle them. They say what they want to say and he didn’t ever try and kill off the press conference or cut it short or try and manage the story.
The commitment to fancy dress award
The Lobster being chased around by a dozen chefs in the rain at the Oval. I wonder how that group of mates decided who was going to be the Lobster? The bloke they didn’t like?
The Winston Churchill military planning award.
Andy Flower. You get the sense that he even pre-plans how many times he is going to breathe in a day. Every word is planned, every movement is planned. And if you do something that isn’t in his plans then he will arrange for you to disappear.